A number of Fort Liberty families have sent their service members off for September training at the Joint Readiness Training Center (JRTC) to be combat ready. For many families that means one parent handling all-things children. I’ve discovered a few strategies that help me balance it all out that I hope will make this month more manageable for you!
- A family calendar.
Great for all ages, but for families with small children, it’s an excellent visual tool that helps in countless ways. I’ve tried to make the calendar easy and fun for my kindergartener and first grader. They can identify which days are soccer practices, and which days are for cheer. They can see what day Dad will be home, and the days we have something fun planned, like an outing to the park or a trip to their favorite drive-thru. Our schedule is hectic, and I can’t always drop everything to do little things as much as I’d like. This gives my children something to look forward to. I can’t begin to explain how much the calendar helps me keep track of all the places I need to be! Though sometimes I wish I could clone myself when I need to be in two places at the same time.
- It’s just one load.
Before recently, we mixed the children’s laundry together to wash, dry and fold. Then it often got stuck waiting in the basket. It was easier to procrastinate with the amount of laundry being done at once. Never-ending mountains of socks and hours of sorting what belonged to who. Now, I wash their clothes separately, and even if it’s not a full load, I make sure to wash it once a week. It is quicker, easier and almost never gets stuck in the basket. I try to do one load of laundry a day as it keeps me from getting behind, keeps everything fresh such as towels and bedding, and it’s much less of a nuisance for me to do one load of laundry a day than to have a whole laundry day. I don’t miss laundry day.
- Prep what you can.
I love prepping for the next day as I’ve not quite gotten into the habit of prepping for the week yet. I have started working toward that goal by meal planning for the week to cut down on random trips to the store. When my husband went to JRTC earlier this year I can’t tell you how many times I was in the middle of cooking dinner when I realized I didn’t have something I needed! It drove me crazy and wasted gas, time and money. Another bad habit I had was waiting until the morning to prepare for the following day, making the morning hectic and forcing my day to start much earlier than necessary. Now, I make sure water bottles, snacks, clothes and everything I can think of is ready for the next day as soon as I get home. I’m able to finish off the day and start the next one with everything ready to go. Our mornings can still be rough (as anyone with a daughter will likely understand; my daughter moves according to her own rhythm). But we manage.
- Let your kids help out.
The number of little things to be done daily can wear you down quickly. Simple things, like preparing water bottles, changing or folding a load of laundry, vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, or dusting are all tasks my children enjoy that also make life just a little easier for me. Our children are used to having their own small responsibilities, such as feeding the pets or making their beds, but they really enjoy feeling like they are a bigger help while Dad is away. And these things really do make a difference! I am sure to tell them how much it helps me, how much I appreciate it, and to reward their contributions without complaining (and if I’m lucky, if the help came without my asking).
- Remind yourself that you are one person.
I tend to forget that when my husband’s gone that some things might slip through the cracks because there is one adult where there were previously two. The smallest inconvenience I didn’t plan for can feel like a bomb going off in my face. Instead of getting everywhere on time, now I’m behind for everything: work, picking the kids up on time for sports, and getting to practices on time. Sometimes that lack of complete control causes me to respond in ways I don’t always feel proud of.
For example, after sports started, I was told one child needed an updated physical. I did everything I could to rectify the situation that day but had to wait a week for the new form to get back to me. The day I moved around my schedule to get the form, I was asked when it would be turned in. And then told my son may not get to play at his first game. I lost it, just a little, on someone that didn’t deserve it. But in that moment, all I thought was, ‘We’ve been at every practice, on time, and ready. No matter what it took.’ These practices keep us busy, and the kids are briefly distracted from missing their dad. How unfair would it be if my son can’t play, when he did everything right? How unfair would it be to me to see my son sad about something else out of my control, when I did everything right?
But, after that moment, I explained: ‘I’m sorry, I don’t want to take my frustration out on you. I’m stressed. I have two kids in school and sports, two jobs, and am in school myself.’ And the thing we hate to say out loud. ‘My husband is gone. I have no help and I’m doing the best I can.’ Then I told myself that. I’m doing the best I can. Sometimes life is unfair. Nothing changes just because our home did. Whatever happens we’ll deal with it, and it’ll be alright. Don’t lose it on the coach, the clerk at the gas station, or yourself. You are one person, and you’re doing the best you can.
