“Well, I just don’t think it’s fair that I have to spend double.”
While driving with friends recently, the topic of holiday gifts evoked a mixed response. As a single person, one friend felt overwhelmed by the cost of buying each of the couples in her life two gifts, when they were expected to give one.
“It’s petty, I know,” she admitted.
She wasn’t satisfied with the specific dollar allotment practice adopted by her family, so we set out to think of alternatives.
“Every year I get my mom and sister a different type of jewelry box,” the other friend said, our heads nodding as we listened. “And my sister gets each of us a mug she thinks we’d like.”
Military family holiday block leave travel is coming. For some, distance from family or loved ones in faraway states or cities means sending regrets for homebound holiday traditions in favor of opportunities to travel to fresh places. For others, it creates the logistical challenge of stacked visits, packed schedules and coordinating budgets, calendars and flights. This becomes especially challenging when partners’ families reside in different locations, states or even countries.
It’s hard to get into the spirit of giving gifts when you feel you’ve already given so much just to show up for the holidays.
As often-quoted vulnerability sociologist Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind.” How might becoming clear about holiday gift expectations shape your holiday season for the better?
What do we actually want to do for gifts this year? If any?
If you come from gift-giving stock, perhaps last year’s traditions just aren’t cutting it. Your budget, lifestyle, family situation, or other factors may have changed. It’s okay if traditions change, too. One family I know chose to opt out of gifts entirely for the holidays, and instead go on a big family outing. These memories were certainly a lot easier to pack for a flight.
Another colleague’s family decided that instead of random gifts, the kids would receive one book, one craft, one set of clothing and one toy. This streamlined both the shopping process and familial expectations. Similarly, another family chose to give one another gift cards every year, so each person could choose what they wanted.
Even if your loved ones scoff at changing their ways, perhaps you could create your own simple plan for what they could expect from you every year: books, wine, homemade gifts, music, art supplies, school tuition contribution, money, gas card, etc.
Or you could always take my solution from last year: with more generosity than budget, I decided to learn how to crochet to make something for each person. My generosity also exceeded my skills and timeline, because by the end, each household received exactly one crochet chicken. It wasn’t on their list, but honestly: it was a hit! (In a, “What will she get us this year?” kind of way.)
If you’re simply not one to get amped by gifts, perhaps there are other ways you and your loved ones could express generosity during the season. One very benevolent colleague’s family who lived in a big city decided to go in together on gloves and hats to distribute to people in need.
How can your gift giving reflect the values you hold dear?
As the leaves change color and fall slowly fades into holiday festivity, consider how you could live out what matters most to you during the holiday season. Military life can feel like it limits your choices sometimes, but you can infuse your values with a little intention.
How could you take traditions and nudge them to align with what you truly care about on behalf of the planet or people around you? How could you infuse the unique elements of your family’s culture or heritage into what you give?
Like my friend bemoaned, there will always be pressures — from the military, family, friends, work, life in general. But a few honest moments of reflection and a couple courageous conversations could perhaps take you farther than you realize.
And it could end up being the most meaningful holiday season yet.
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