By Dr. Bill Boyd
Ask almost any man “Who is supposed to be the head of the home?” More than likely, they will tell you that it’s the man. Most men take pride in being the “head of the household” whether they recognize it or not. Unfortunately, most of us have not clearly thought through the issues or the implications of that position philosophically or practically.
This pattern, very widely practiced across many cultures actually is sourced in the Bible. God said that when He designed the family, He designed it with a singular head and that head is the man (Genesis 2:18, 3:16 & Ephesians 5:23). Now men, lest our chests begins to puff out a bit much, I’d like to suggest a pattern for what it takes to be a good leader. It has six components.
The first component is The Plan. Nobody wants to follow a leader who doesn’t know where they’re going. One of the marks of a strong leader is he knows exactly where the ship is headed and how to get there. So, the husband should have a plan. Now, that doesn’t mean that the plan is developed all by himself without input or help, but it does mean he is responsible for the development of a plan that will include a framework that will answer all the basic questions such as: who works, buying or renting a home, college savings plans, amount of stewardship to the church or how much money to save.
You’re probably thinking, “Wait a minute. You’re telling me that as a husband I’m responsible to answer all those questions and have all those plans?” No, I’m saying they must all be answered and as the designated leader, you must secure the information and ultimately be responsible for each of those decisions.
The second component is The Atmosphere. No one wants to feel like they’re walking on “eggshells” or in an environment that seems “out of control.” And guess who is responsible for establishing the atmosphere in the home? The husband, because he’s the leader. He sets the bar or the pattern by both his model and his actions. It’s all part of being a good husband.
The third is Motivation. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25).
Every decision and every plan must have her best interest at heart. Always. Easy? No! Optional? Never! And let me promise you, if she senses the decisions are for her best interest, it always goes down easier.
The fourth is The Provision. The leader is responsible to provide the finances necessary to implement the plan. Does he have to do it all himself? No, clearly he can call for assistance, but is ultimately responsible. When the budget is tight, remember it is always his discretionary spending that is the first to be cut.
The fifth is The Evaluation. Every year the leader is responsible for evaluating the progress the entire family is making toward achieving the goals you have established. Painful? Yes. Maturity does not happen in one year so remember to lace your evaluations with much encouragement.
And finally, The Repetition. The leader is responsible to furnish the endurance to repeat the program till the plan is achieved.
By this point husbands, your chest is pretty much deflated. This mountain is tall and the slope is steep. Notice the first letter of each of the requirements. If you write it out it will form the word P-A-M-P-E-R. If you set these six requirements as your goal you will be pampering your wife! And what you will discover is that you have winsomely and wisely attracted to your side the one person whom God has provided to enable you to be the leader He has called you to be.
