Editor's note: As part of CityView's commitment to filling gaps by providing reporting and information for the Fort Liberty community, our HomeFront initiative has added two columnists who will write regularly about issues military families face. In this column, we're introducing Jaylin Kremer, who lives at Fort Liberty with her active-duty spouse. If there's a topic you'd like for our columnists address, let us know at talk@cityviewnc.com.
Being a new military spouse, I have found two things that are true for every one of us. One is that the service member’s career comes first.
And two is that this life is what you make of it. If you want to make the most of it, you have to put yourself out there and be willing to go along for the ride.
For me, I don’t find it difficult going along for the ride, but I have to know everything and I have to do something.
My family and I moved to Fort Liberty in August. This is our very first duty station, and my husband is by no means anywhere near the top of the food chain. So to say we didn’t know anything or anyone is an understatement. By the end of August, I had joined 20 groups on Facebook related to Fort Liberty alone. This number doesn’t include the groups I joined while my husband completed BCT, AIT, or airborne training.
While I do admit this must sound ridiculous, it’s what I had to do to keep my sanity — and it has been working.
By joining these groups, I have learned all there is to know about so many things. Being a military spouse — the good, the bad and the ugly. Fort Liberty or Fort Bragg: since I have discovered this is also quite a touchy subject. The surrounding Fayetteville area (huge kudos to CityView on that one). The never-ending drama in the lives of people I don’t even know (strictly for entertainment purposes, because who doesn’t like a little drama with their morning coffee?) And I’ll let you in on a little secret, the Kardashians don’t have anything on military spouses in this department.
Also: volunteer and career opportunities. I don’t know about you, but no matter how much I love my kids, I don’t cut it at the “stay-at-home mama life,” and getting a job isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do as a milspouse. (But you already know that.)
And most important, friends. I’ve lucked into finding some of the best in my short time here.
I began in September, still quite lost in the sauce but pretty darn involved. I became first vice president of a fantastic spouses’ group here in Fort Liberty and a member of the Fort Liberty school board. Like I said, I have to do something. While I might still get lost navigating this huge and beautiful post, I sure have been making my way around.
Prior to my arrival, I read warnings that the post was not great, that there was nothing to do, that people were not nice, and that this was not a great duty station. I mention that because it all goes back to this life is what you make of it — and you have to put yourself out there to make the most of it!.
There is so much to do here. And I don’t know if I am forcing myself down people’s throats so much that they are nice to me, but people are incredibly kind here. And there are always events of some sort going on — you just have to look!.
And I can’t even begin to tell you how many acts of kindness my family and I have experienced since we arrived. And how much kindness I see in all of these groups I’ve joined. (OK, other than the drama-specific groups, but I honestly think it’d be a bit disappointing to find kindness where people want the tea, right?)
I worried that with my husband making the career change to being a soldier, I’d have to give up everything I was to be his spouse and nothing more.
Would I lose sense of who I am? Would I be lonely away from our families and my friends?
I know that I am not the only spouse who has these worries because I make it my business to talk to fellow new spouses and even spouses who have been milspouses a lot longer than I have. We share the same worries, fears, concerns and struggles.
And the answer I found to my question is: “Not at all.”
You are more than just a spouse. This life can be a good life, but it will always be what you make it.
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Jaylin Kremer and her husband are natives of Pittsburgh. She is studying psychology and plans to go to law school and works as an advocate for mental health and victims of sexual violence. Jaylin is a member of the Fort Liberty school board and first vice president of the Fort Liberty Spouses Club. She believes that small acts of kindness go a long way.
